Content Warning: mental health, depression, anxiety, addiction
If you google “self care” I can guarantee that at least 75% of what you will find has to do with bubble baths, tea, lighting candles, or wine.
And, while I love all of these things, I feel called to point out the missing pieces in this list.
In our culture we want to desperately to have a quick or easy fix to our problems. We want to believe that the right candle or mug of tea will help us feel better. And while I do think these things can boost our mood, they aren’t at the root of what I would call self care.
To me, self care is deeply rooted in nurturing ourselves in ways that foster health, balance, nourishment, connection, and stability. Maybe you’ve found a candle that can do that - but I doubt it exists.
Self care is a multidimensional way of nurturing ourselves in myriad ways toward our optimal wellness. So often, this has to do with some of the most simple and concrete things we can imagine.
For me, self care looks like:
Drinking water. Getting adequate rest.
Saying no. Saying yes. Seeking out support.
Medication.
Lately I have been in a funk. I mean a “I don’t want to go outside even though it’s beautiful and sunny and gorgeous out” kind of funk. An “I only want to stream Netflix and avoid people and not shower” kind of funk. In other words, I’ve been depressed.
I have lived with anxiety and depression for most of my life. I mean, all of us have ups and downs in our moods - that is a reality of the lived human experience. But I have experienced these things in an intense enough way that they have impacted my ability to function and live the life I want to live. I know enough to know that this is me depressed.
For at least the past twenty years I have been aware of my need to address my anxiety and depression in one way or another.
Luckily, I have learned the importance of seeking out support from my spouse, friends, and family. I have been honest about how I’m feeling, and I have found a great psychiatrist to help me figure out what I need to be my favorite self.
And I am continuing to learn what self care looks like in a real and tangible way in my life.
It’s true that if I am dehydrated, tired, hangry, and overwhelmed, I cannot be my favorite self.
If I am trudging through a toxic situation or relationship without drawing boundaries to protect myself, I cannot show up in the way I want to.
If I am not engaging in the experiences and habits that bring me joy, it will be harder and harder to find it.
And, if I’m not able to seek out support from loved ones and professionals, I may never find my way forward.
And, finally, medication has allowed me to be my favorite self and is a vital component of my self care practices.
I realize that many people have opinions about medication, or think that taking a pill is a shortcut that skips over doing real therapeutic work. Maybe you are one of those people. At times in my life, I have been one of those people. And sometimes, that is a case.
Any of us can (and often do) self-medicate in ways that aren’t healthy - with wine and other alcohol, with food, with medication, or with anything else that alters the chemistry of our minds and bodies. Sometimes these things numb the feelings we have in our lives, and promise to help us cope. This is a different issue (and something I may reflect on in a later post).
But I am talking about medication that is prescribed by a medical professional for a diagnosed condition. There are some things that are simply hardwired in our brains that can only be treated with medication under the care of a trained professional.
For me, my anxiety and depression manifests in a way that calls for chemical treatment. This does not mean that I am not also doing the work required for adequate self care and compassion. It means that these things work in tandem.
As you might imagine, this post is a vulnerable one to write.
In my first blog post, I wrote about my promise to myself to abandon perfection. I wrote about wanting to be honest and open about the realities of my life. And one of my realities is this: I live a life riddled with anxiety and depression and am finding my way toward wholeness and health.
Perhaps this is the case for you too. And I want you to know that you are not alone.
I do not claim to be an expert in this realm - I am only an expert on my own lived experience.
And, in my experience, we do not talk about the struggle and challenges so many of us have. And, we make assumptions about people who appear to have their lives in order. We assume that mental illness shows up in specific ways, and we forget that the people we love may be impacted by these things too.
So, I hope that my sharing about my experience and self care practices and mental wellness is helpful.
I hope that those of you who have been putting off finding a counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist may take that next step now.
I hope that those of you who love someone with similar struggles to mine (which is all of you, by the way), will reach out to the people you love and tell them you love them.
I hope that you practice saying no to the things that drain you and yes to the things that nourish you, and go drink a giant glass of water (no, I’m serious … go drink some water).
I hope that you have the courage to answer honestly next time your friend or loved one asks how you are.
I hope that you remember your innate power and goodness, and the strength you have shown in your life.
You are enough, just as you are.
You are loved and beautiful and spectacular.
Yes, every. single. part of you.
Be well.
This week’s Invitation to Deepening: How do you practice self care? What do you need to be your favorite self? What might you do today that will improve your outlook and mood?
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